support is not an excuse

how much are we allowed to need people. can our righteousness be based on our relationships? it seems that the answer would be no, but at the same time we live in a world of accountability and small groups of people cut from larger groups of people all with the purpose of supporting one another towards a common goal. but failed accountability is not an excused for lack of righteousness. there is no discount on culpability because a support structure failed. in the end our personal integrity is in fact our own.

ignore the silent mechanisms

give in. live in the moment. ignore the growing tension caused by the ever closer black hole that is the end of this stage. or even better acknowledge that the tension only need persist if God is not good or does not exist or does not count you among His charges. you are afraid and no one has even asked you to step out yet. your call is to stand and live in the moment, to quit casting your eye to the future, and to finish well the task at hand. perhaps the fear of not knowing is for you the greatest fear. perhaps you too easily lose yourself in the moving stream but cannot handle the self-reflection of a seemingly stationary pool. seemingly stationary because there is no doubt in your mind that at the end is a dam that will at some point be released and you don't know how far the drop on the other side really is or where that river leads.

the bottom's going to drop out and i'm supposed to live in the moment?

look what i found

it has been a while. i think that i was turned off by the idea of public self-indulgence. perhaps a blog does not need to be that. some thoughts should be semi-private or quasi-public, even if the quasi is derived only from a systemic barrier.

that's the best kind of barrier...the kind where almost no one will ever read this because the internet it too large, and there is only one way to get here from there.